hugs.

   I never was one for hugs when I was younger. It always made me uncomfortable and smothered because I think I was trying to be a tomboy at the time. {Note: trying.}

   Naturally, when I started crushing on boys, I became more open to the idea of hugs, but I was homeschooled, so you know how it goes. Homeschool side hugs. Awkward.

   I could survive without hugs back then, because I hadn't hugged you yet.

   Our first hug? You were leaving my house and thought I was walking you to the car. I thought you were in a rush and was so enamored I didn't even think of that option {whoops}. So we hugged in the doorway. And it was quick.

   But oh my lanta. That quick hug left me wanting so much more. It felt right and just so... comfortable. 

   As time went on, our hugs got longer, and I learned to walk you to your car. You were my first hug-from-behind - you know, those hugs that every girl loves. It's a thing. Just like the precious things that are kisses on the forehead. Trust me.

   I just love the way you wrap your arms around me, because I feel so warm {you're like my personal heater} and safe and content.

   It's like when it's freezing cold outside and the wind is blowing in your face, but then you get into your car and blast the heat, or the sun reveals itself and hits your back for a moment, and there's this time of comfortable warmth. That's what your hugs are. Everything else might be chaotic and stressing me out {not-so-subtle hint towards school - couldn't help myself}, but I get a hug from you, and your sunshine-y self warms me to the core. It doesn't mean the crazy outside things are going to get better immediately, but it means I have a little more peace in my heart.

   So yes. I cherish your hugs. And I cherish you.

   I love you.

yours,
m.g.e.

loving you

   There are some things that we learn that eventually become natural to us - habitual, even. Once we learn to walk, we just keep on doing it. Unless certain physical circumstances occur, walking becomes something we do every day without even having to remind ourselves, "Okay: left, then right, then left... I think."  

   Then there are other things that are just habits we pick up when we're older that just stick with us. 

   For example, my dad locks the door to the garage every night. It's just become natural to him so he doesn't really think about it, even when, say, I go out for the evening... and come back to a locked door. Even though I've been his daughter for twenty {and a half!} years, he still habitually locks the garage door, without thinking of the people it might be trapping in the dark, scary garage in the middle of the night.

   Hopefully, he's not locking the garage door because he wants me to suffer: he's just doing it because it's his routine.

   And sure, I have my own routines throughout the day. One of those includes hitting the snooze button on my alarm.

   All jokes aside.

   Some people drink coffee every morning. Some write letters {old fashioned is never bad} to their best friends every week, just because. Others find a passion in rescuing pets. And there's even the occasional few who know they're destined to become President of the United States - and they make it happen.

   Sometimes, things really do just happen naturally. Whether it be the little things, or the life aspirations coming to fruition. We're all made for something, right?

   

   And all of this goes to say... let's talk about love. There are those who find other types of love, but perhaps never romantic love. And obviously, there are the ones who do, and find this love in all kinds of variations. It doesn't always come quickly or easily. But I've been magnificently blessed. 

   You see, loving you, for me, is so natural. When we became a couple, it was like we had been together for years. Everything just fell perfectly into place. 

   Our hands fit together like puzzle pieces. 

   We knew each other inside and out. 

   Talking was never uncomfortable and the pauses in conversation were okay, because we knew we were just relishing the presence of each other. 

   I knew that I could tell you anything, and you knew the same. 

   We knew that our relationship was going to last, because not only would we work hard for it, but we were head over heels, falling in this pure, deep love. 

   For some people, this can take years. For us {and others, I'm sure}, it took seconds. If that. 

   Additionally, you're going to find a career that suits you and your dreams perfectly, and I'm going to take my passion and apply it somewhere. Some of that can be fuzzy, because we have no idea what the future may hold. But I'm okay with that.

   I have you, and that's one of the few things I'm totally, completely confident in. It's like a breath of fresh air.

   I love you beyond words. Thank you for being my natural soulmate.

yours,
m.g.e.

wise guys

   Recently, you and I, dear soulmate, have been finding out that sometimes, we actually do know what's best for us. See, you're such a nice gentleman. And I have a stubborn opinion... but I'm too much of a chicken to say half the things I think.
   But luckily, together, we know that we're doing things the right way. Just because others believe they know what's right, doesn't mean that they necessarily are right, or at least that we're wrong in the meantime.
   This is clearly the cryptic version of the obstacle we're facing together, but the most important thing is that we are in this together. And I really appreciate that. Not every couple is equally invested in their future. Sometimes it's one sided, because some people refuse to consider their future. Too restricting, I guess?
   For us, though... we understand each other. I can go on and on about our future wedding and you're right in the conversation, just as excited as I am. I think some are skeptical when I tell them that you really are the most perfect man that lived.
   And to your credit, you even started talking about marriage before me. And I've had a wedding board on Pinterest for a WHILE. They may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. And yes, there's some John Lennon for you. {Potentially the wrong words, but hey, we're both more McCartney fans than Lennon, so cut me some slack.}
   
   I'm just incredibly grateful that I'm with YOU and how you care about our future together so much. I always have to catch myself talking about our wedding, because I've been given the impression by others that I'm getting ahead of myself. That I'm pressuring you.
   If only they knew.
   I've put 100% of my trust into you, and I know I can tell you anything. Not everyone is that blessed. You should be on posters. "World's Most Gentlemanly Man."
   Now that I've let it slip that I'm in desperate need of sleep {ahaha}... it's time to end the post for the night.
   But, SIDE NOTE: I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm committing to a post dedicated to you every day/night. You'll finally get to see this special blog on our second year anniversary, which happens to be 1 month + 10 days away. Incredibly exciting. As you're aware of, I have a written journal dedicated to you as well, but I've decided to save that for something else. {What can I say? I like writing love letters. A blog seemed fun.}

   All of this being said... I love you so much. Goodnight, my sweet, gentlemanly soulmate.

yours,
m.g.e.

feeling safe.

   Tonight, I was on a romantic movie kick. Before YOU, stuff like this never happened. I really wasn't into romantic movies whatsoever. Sure, I was in love with Pride & Prejudice, but I always avoided the cheesy, cliché ones. But here I am, watching a Nicholas Sparks movie (GIANT step here) and of course, day dreaming about our own love story.
   The movie happened to be Safe Haven, which is about as "romantic drama" as it gets. If you haven't guessed, the whole premise is that a pretty, mysterious lady has past problems and finds safety in a dashing father of two. {Spoiler alert, I know. Because it wasn't totally obvious..!} And... okay, it was cute.

   But then irony reared its freaky, ugly head. And a spider scurried across my room. I tried to kill it. And it disappeared. I have to wake up in 4 hours, and I am terrified of spiders. Good luck to me.
   THE POINT, however, is that whenever I get scared or worried, you're always the first one I think of and the one I go to. {Naturally, I called you, but you were asleep. ...I'll forgive you eventually. [Kidding. It's late and unlike me, you're not nocturnal.]}
   But in all seriousness, you're the only person I feel comfortable with. I can be completely vulnerable with you, sharing my most insecure feelings that I wouldn't want to tell anyone. You tell me I'm beautiful when I'm feeling the exact opposite. You consider it a victory when I don't wear makeup around you - and believe me, having blonde eyelashes and eyebrows, going without just a little something on my face is a big deal. You brush away any bad feelings I have about myself, and you make me feel like royalty. I mean, I am more fortunate than the richest person in the world because I have you.
   I don't deserve you. And for whatever reason, you still love me, and I consider that the biggest blessing.
   
   So when we're married, and I let out a shriek because a HUMONGOUS SPIDER JUST CRAWLED OUT OF HIDING... know that you're the one I know will protect me. And it's not just spiders. My insecurity, my fears, my past trust issues... you take away it all.
   I get what Mr. Sparks was writing about completely. Because you are my safe haven.

I love you so much.

Now come kill this spider please&thanks.

yours,

m.g.e.

   

nearness

   I don't think it's any kind of surprise to anyone when I say I thrive off the nearness of those I love. Tonight, I read an excerpt of my 8 year old self's diary to you. Evidently, not only was I severely ADD, but I really was so sensitive.
   I had written multiple accounts of being ignored or receiving attitude from my sisters. And it wasn't the kind where I walked into a room and immediately became the center of attention or constantly needed eyes on me. I just had this...thing... where I needed affirmation of love from the ones I loved, more often than most people probably do. {Maybe it was just the middle child syndrome or my love language.} 

   As I've gotten older, among my family and friends, I've become perfectly okay being the listener or the "quiet one". It comes with being an introvert. True story.
   But I can't deny the fact that this need for attention still thrives today - in a different way. Because there's you. It's like I become this different person. I constantly crave attention and need your eyes on me and oh, you went into another room? Hold on, I'll follow you.
   Sometimes I even get a little sassy because I just want life and plans to pause and just let us be together. Right, so that sounds like overly attached girlfriend. I promise that I do, in fact, encourage you having friends and a life. {In my defense, we spent a total of 3 weeks away from each other this summer. Just putting that out there.}
   And I guess I'm a little terrified of school starting for me, even though it's my senior year and I'm so close to the end, because that just means even more hectic-ness.
   I'm just... infatuated with you. Some things in life haven't been going exactly smooth, and now I really associate you with the one peaceful, non-difficult part of my life. Along with God, you're the one constant in my life that I can count on.
   If I come across as crazy, I merely hope what you take away from this is that you're a really good part of my life. I honestly don't know where I'd be without you. Even if, heaven forbid, we hadn't ended up dating or maybe took longer to confess our feelings, I'm still confident that you would be the biggest positive influence on me. Even on my worst days, when everything seems to be going wrong, I still persevere because of you. Because I know that our future holds so many incredible things.
   
   So cheers to you. And seriously, I realize that I become emotional and unreasonable and possessive way too easily - and I apologize. I'm working on my attitude {and if I get upset and don't tell you why, it's because I'm fully aware that I'm upset for a stupid reason, so I'm trying to essentially grow a pair and cool off}.
   None of this is to pressure you, but really: you are the reason for my smile and you have been really amazing at helping me become a better person. And due to these reasons, and many more, I just love the nearness of you.

And I love you.

yours,

m.g.e.

dreamin'.

   I mentioned this approximately 24 hours ago, but I just have to reiterate how excited I am to marry you, sweet soulmate.
   And I just love to daydream about you. {Spoiler alert: I do it a lot.} Whether I'm recalling those magical moments when we first fell in l - o - v - e to how spectacular our lives will be when we're united in sweet, rockin' holy matrimony. Ihavenoshame.
   Just every part of you is pure good. Yes, we've had our share of arguments. {If we hadn't, you'd have to have some kind of inhuman patience. You know how much of a temper I can get.} And I believe it's healthy to hash out problems. Because no relationship is perfect and that's okay. Though ours is pretty dang close. {Yep, I said it.}
   But what really makes me happy about us? We're both too smart to have taken "breaks", even during the "worse" arguments. And this isn't to pat myself on the back. I've said and done simply stupid things.
   The thing that makes us smart is that we know we can't make it without each other.
   It's human nature to stay near to what keeps you safe and happy, and, well, you make me feel more safe and happy than I could ever conceive.
   And, let's be real. If we took a break or whatever, I'd be an absolute wreck. Not only would I have no idea what to do with myself, but also the only person I'd want to talk to would be you. So, needless to say... I know we're going to keep our clean record.

   So yes. Daydreaming won't stop anytime soon. You're fantastic and I won't let you forget it.

Je t'aime, mon cher. {BOOM, there's that French. And no I didn't just call you actual Cher.}

yours,

m.g.e.

my eyes on your eyes, like Peter Pan up in the sky.

   The title of this post is incredibly relevant, believe it or not. I remember the night you invited me to hang out with you, your best friend, and a couple other people.
   If I remember correctly, it was the first time we officially hung out. I had been SO nervous about hanging out with you, because as is evident... I am an awkward person and you made me violently weak at the knees {in a good way}.
   But you convinced me and I'm glad you did. My sister and best friend fixed my hair, making sure I looked good for you, while "Tongue Tied" played on Pandora. It was perfection.
   And I'll admit, I was quiet most of the night, because I wanted to make a good impression in front of your best friend and, more importantly, you. You thought I didn't enjoy myself whatsoever, but I promise you I did.

   And look where we are now! YOU are my best friend, and I cannot get enough of you or your house. (; But seriously.
   We're roughly one month away from having dated for TWO YEARS. That's so crazy how time has flown. People have been asking us when we'd get married since, hmm, the moment we revealed we were dating... but I don't blame them.
   You are such a good part of my life. We just naturally came together and it feels like we've been together for my entire life. And don't get me wrong, I would wait a thousand years to marry you, and we're both aware that there's no pressing rush for that, but geez.
   I'm so excited for when that does happen. I can't wait to wake up and see your handsome face every day. You make me so happy and I know that we have so many more years of happiness to live together.
   I keep on daydreaming of our wedding, as well, and let me tell you - before you, I couldn't envision my wedding. I mean, Pinterest came along, and it was like, oh, that's something I like and maybe my wedding will look like that. But then you graciously entered my life and now I can SEE what things will absolutely look like, and that you'll be at the end of the aisle waiting for me, and ahhhh. Can't wait.
   I'll stop my spiel there. Point is: finding my soulmate has made so many dreams come true and I just love it.
   And I love you.

yours,
m.g.e.