last, first kiss.

Dearest soulmate,
   It's practically here! Officially one day before our 2 year anniversary. {Give or take multiple hours where it's not almost 3am. Whoops.} I'm not sure that I'll post again before our anniversary, because I have things to do beforehand.
   No worries, I'm making sure you get a nice card {cough BOOK cough} slash of course my nails need to actually look good for once. And maybe I'll write on here more later. Not sure yet. I also like the intimacy of a handwritten book {like I did before this} so we'll see.

   But let's get back to that whole {almost two years!!!} thing.
   It's amazing. That's 730 days. Not much in comparison to how many more years/days we have ahead of us, but it's so incredible.
   When I was younger, I vowed that I wouldn't just date around. I would really strive to find a good relationship and stick to it. Granted, I didn't really know what love was back then. So I got mixed up. {A lot.}
   But I think - well, I know God had a giant hand in things. Maybe it's because He knew that me making that "vow" would preserve something special that would eventually lead into our relationship. Or maybe it was about showing me that true love really does exist. Whatever the true reason - He had you in mind.
   
   Something that a lot of people are shocked to hear? I'd never kissed anyone until you. Something they're even more shocked about? You waited 20 years to find the right girl to give your first kiss away to. 
   I'm incredibly honored that you did that. I'm amazed that someone like you found me and fell in love. I don't even feel like I'm worth the astounding amount of love you put forth, but believe me, I love you so much.
   I would say that I couldn't love you more, but I know that as the days, years, even decades go by, I know that my love for you will grow more than I'd ever thought possible.
   
   When I started to like you, way back in 2012, I gave everything up to God. I told Him that if I wasn't meant to be with you {because I was used to rejection by boys}, that He just take away my feelings. I knew that I liked you way too much already to be able to deal with more rejection. {Mind you, this was at the beginning of us working together - maybe even before we worked together.} 
   But those feelings never went away. You would walk into a room and I could barely look up without getting butterflies. That amazing smelling cologne would waft into the room and I'd have to pace myself.
   I was fascinated by you. You were, and are, everything I've ever wanted in a man. And there's the thing - you're a man. Not a boy, like the people I'd previously pursued. You not only were ready for a serious relationship, but you also immediately treated me like a lady.
   I almost thought you were too good to be true. Was I dreaming? Nope. You're literally that amazing.
   
   You're not just my "other half". You're what completes me. Because sometimes people can have an other half who doesn't fully complete them.
   As soon as we admitted we loved each other, immediately I felt myself changing for the better. A lot of it has to do with the fact that you make me truly happy. I've never smiled so big as when I'm with you.
   I don't know if you've heard them say it, but all my friends and family know that we're meant to be - that we're the perfect couple. We just found each other and everything clicked. They've noticed that about us.
   One of my favorite comments on our relationship was that someone had never seen you smile like that before. I'd like to think that I've made you happy like that.
   
   I really hope you know that I've never been this in love. I never even got excited about having a wedding and could actually see it happening before you. You've brought this whole new level of happiness to my life that I can't even explain. I feel like I don't even have a good enough vocabulary to describe it.
   You know how to make my tears stop, you know how to push my buttons {for fun}, you know how to make me smile - you know everything about me. I've opened up to you more than anyone else because I actually want to share my life with you.
   When we get married, I can't wait to come home and see your smiling face, and just envelop myself in your arms. That's when I'll really feel at home. 
    I don't know how you did it, but it's like you put me under a spell. I'm infatuated with you, in the best way possible. To feel that and receive those feelings back from the one you love... that's really the best feeling in the world.
   
   So tomorrow morning, we're going to see each other, I'm going to hug you as tight as I can, kiss you because you deserve to be kissed as often as possible, and we're going to go on an amazing adventure. It'll be amazing because we'll be together. 
   I'm so beyond excited. {This week couldn't have gone slower, to be honest.}
   This whole year was filled with ups and downs {in other areas of life - but we've been amazing.} but there's been one constant: that's you.
   I mean, I've made mistakes {that beautiful promise ring...sigh} and had my freak outs {thanks, school} but you've been so patient and understanding. I love that aspect about you, and I also love that everyone around you knows that fact too. {My family's pretty much obsessed with you, by the way. They know you're an amazing gentleman who is the perfect match for me.}
   You have this character that makes me want to be a better person. You love me and constantly tell me to not focus on what I consider imperfections. You've taught me so much. And we have so many years to come.
   Tomorrow is another year to add to our wonderful, exciting, beautiful relationship. Every year after that, I'm just going to love you more and more. {So be prepared.}

   You're my best friend and you are my soulmate. We've got 2 years down - and an eternity to go.
  
   I love you so much, Brandon Daniel Morris. Happy {less than 24 hours till our} 2nd anniversary.

yours then, now, and for the rest of my life,
Meredith Grace Essmann

source of happiness

   You know, whenever I see you, I get really happy. And not just the "oh cool, he's here" kind of thing.
   I don't know if you've realized it, but I can be a lonely person. I've never known how to show affection to other people - probably just a little too shy. I always get excited when I meet new people because I see potential friends.
   A lot of people think I'm standoffish though, because I'm one of those introverts who's better at dealing with people individually, rather than in a group. Doesn't mean I don't like people.

   But you... you're my sunshine. I am so perfectly comfortable around you that sometimes, family members have been shocked at how open I am with you.
   And that's the thing - I can't not be open with you. I want to tell you everything because you're the one person I know who'll understand. That and I know you care about what I have to say.
   Right now, at 2:30 AM, we are currently two days {!!!} away from our anniversary. I don't think I have to remind you about how stoked I am. But it's not about the presents you've been threatening me with or the fact that you're amazing at surprises - I'm just happy to have you to myself for a whole day.
   I'm sure you know that by now. But your presence is so fantastic.
   
   For example. Sometimes, someone will say something funny, but I find it a little difficult to laugh out loud. It maybe takes a pretty good joke to get me to actually laugh out loud. But I find you so hilarious. You just shock me with how many amusing things you have to say.
   I love it, because I really do love to laugh. I have a goofy laugh, and maybe that's part of the reason why I keep it hidden.
   You definitely know how to make me laugh, though. I appreciate that tons.
   Your smile, too. And your eyes. They sparkle {in a good way} when you laugh. I like to make you laugh too. And I know I've done well when you slap your knee. It's great.

   Ugh, marrying you is going to be so perfect. You're so cute when we talk about that as well. Once, I wanted you to envision our wedding day and you told me to stop because you were going to cry just thinking about it. {Again, in a good way, I presume...? Kidding.}
   Our whole relationship is based off of making each other smile. I've never seen you cry, but as much as I say I want to see that... well if I really think about you crying, I don't actually want that to happen.
  
   So. September 28th, 2014. You and me. It won't matter where we go because it'll be wonderful and romantic and I won't have one worry in my mind.
   I'll hold your hand and go wherever you go, because I'm madly in love with you. You are an incredible man. Your heart is so big and you are so good to everyone you meet. Even if you don't like them, you manage to put on a handsome smile and make things work. {And don't worry, I'll always be here to lend an ear when you have stories about crazy people.}
   I can't thank you enough for how you've impacted me and keep my world going. I love you so much, BDM.

yours,
m.g.e.
   

natural

   There's been a few times you've seen me without makeup. 
   Tonight was one of those times. I was doing biology all day and ended up looking like a hobo, and you came to surprise me with your wonderful presence.
   Of course, you looked handsome. That cologne... dressed all nice, too. Gotta love a man who can rock a beanie and loves to wear ties. I'm a fan.
   Then there was me. Wearing oversized sweatpants {NOT the cute kind}, a plain v-neck, hair unwashed {yikes} and in a ridiculous bun, eyebrows undone {hashtag blonde problems}... Just not the best I've looked. I even ran to the bathroom to draw on those eyebrows. Pathetic, I know.
   But you stopped me. 
   There's something about you that actually likes when I go natural. You like when I wear dresses and get all fancied up... but you also like natural. Which I find a little shocking, because hobo me isn't always a nice sight.

   You always tell me I'm beautiful, and I usually laugh a little and say thanks. Laughing because I'm kinda self conscious.
   You've seen me at my worst, and you still love me. I'll never take that for granted. I can be comfortable without wearing makeup or putting on a cute dress because I know you like me for me. 
   Never thought I'd be that comfortable around someone.
   I love that I can be myself around you, and I know I've said that before, but it's so true. Tonight, you came over because you were in the area and you wanted to see me. Just - that. Even that is just so wonderful to me. 
   I know that I don't have to hide {physical} aspects of me from you, a) because I don't need to, and b) because you love that I don't.
   
   You're the guy that other girls dream about. "I want someone who tells me I'm beautiful when I have no makeup on", "I want a guy who thinks I look good even when I'm wearing sweatpants", or even "I want a guy who isn't afraid to show me off to his friends". 
   Oh, you're good. You do it all, even though I feel like I really don't deserve someone as amazing as you. But there you are.
   
   So I'll try not to be so scared of showing you the "hobo" side of me. I know I can trust you to love me no matter what. I mean, I want to impress you always, but it's such a relief knowing that you like me natural just as much as fancy.
   You're such a catch. I'm incredibly blessed to have you.
   I love you. So does hobo me.

yours,
m.g.e

p.s. THREE DAYS!

hype

   Ahhh. Sweetheart. Four days left. I am SO excited to celebrate our anniversary. I mean, we have multiple years ahead of us and our wedding someday, but I don't think the excitement will ever lessen. 

   You get to see this whole blog {probably} on Saturday night, the day before our event-filled anniversary. So let's get nostalgic.

   Remember when you and I barely talked? We were in multiple science classes together in high school. But we never talked. I never could forget the one day you laughed at a stupid joke I made in Marine Biology. I legitimately couldn't let it go.

   You were always that guy I didn't fawn after, only because I couldn't even fathom you actually liking me back. {Unfortunately, I didn't realize how wrong I was. More on that later.} I talked to my sister about you, asking the what-ifs, but I just imagined that you were in a completely different world than me {aka, more mature and popular}. 

   There was that one time at prom that I went with someone I shouldn't have gone with. It was your senior prom, and you were having fun with your friends. Our only interaction was "Brandon! Dance with my best friend!" And you nodded, apparently terrified that I hated you and was angrily yelling at you to dance with her. {You were wrong there though because I always liked you as a person.} 

   I found out later on from your sister that you wanted to take someone to prom that year, but she already had a date. I eventually went to Facebook and tried to determine who this special girl was. I would find out later, to my surprise, that you wanted to ask me. What an irony.

   Our only interaction after that was really through church. You would sit several pews behind me, with your hand practically covering your face. You did not look entertained. I almost had a game to see how fast you'd race out of church once the service ended. Sometimes I could barely turn around before you'd disappear. Ninja.

   I developed a little crush on you. We never talked, but you were so adorable, and every time we passed the street bearing your name, I always thought of you. I didn't know why, but it would prove significant.   

   Then we started working together. When I found out I got the job, I asked my older sister if you still worked there. And then began the waiting game.

   We became friends after I wooed you with my amazing solitaire skills. Then Facebook, then texting... and the rest is history. It might seem like our story came together kind of fast.

   But there were long periods of unsure-ness or even you being unaware of my existence. {Jokes.} At one point, I was informed that you were in love with someone else. Oh how that tore me apart. I was... pretty used to rejection. I was almost just angry that it happened again.

   And yet, it didn't stop me. Because the way we interacted... it gave me hope. I wasn't sure that you didn't like me back, and that's all I needed to know. 

   At one point, we went to a movie together {{{{{as friends, wink wink}}}}}. I conveniently "forgot" to bring a jacket, and you conveniently "brought an extra hoodie". {So sly.} I remember whispering silly jokes to you and trying to hide my inner fat kid by not eating all the popcorn. 

   We sat so close together. The arm rest was between us, but lordy. I was so conscious of your manly arm resting against mine the whole time. When you moved, my world would slightly diminish and, oh, is the movie still going?

   Then there was the time we visited the mall together. I wanted to hold your hand so bad. I then rejected food again, but I lusted over your pizza. Promise. Eating in front of people wasn't my thing. Not unless I was comfortable with them. {Now, obviously, I am.}

  

   And then that first date. September 28th. Gosh. We knew at that point that we were in love with each other. You wanted to make the first date special, though. So I went to a zoo event that you claimed you couldn't attend due to school.

   But you freakin' showed up. You texted me, we met at a tiger statue {my heart POUNDING}, and you gave me this tight hug that made my knees weak. You took me to a beautiful part of town, we ate ice cream together, and you brought me back to your house. There, you made me wait outside so when I came in, there was rose petals on the floor, and you were there, ready to dance with me. {Dancing's actually kind of our thing, isn't it!}

   The night you asked me officially to be your girlfriend was October 25th. {We count the 28th as our anniversary though. There wasn't a doubt that we would be together.} You took me on a walk through my neighborhood, and led me to the beautiful pond with a fountain.

   You actually got on one knee to ask me to be official, which I thought was a lovely touch. You even gave me an eloquent speech when you said "I love you" in person, foreal foreal.

   Just thinking of all these amazing times, along with the other moments that I haven't even included... Gee.

   I am so blessed. You are a wonderful, fantastic, exciting, romantic, perfect gentleman, and I thank God for you every night.

   We've had such a magnificent two years, and along with that, knowing you since practically middle school is so crazy awesome. I'll save this for another post, but not only do I know how perfect we are together, but even everyone else knows it. I am so happy to be with you, love.

   I love you, je t'aime, te amo, ich liebe dich... none of it can express how much I actually love you.

yours,

m.g.e.

that one obsession

   You know that one obsession I have? {Cough cough Pinterest cough.} Of course you do. Because I'm always talking about things I've seen on there. May or may not have encouraged you to get your own Pinterest as well. {You're such a good man.}
   You also know how obsessed I am with planning our future wedding on there. To be fair, I started pinning wedding things long before we became an item. I'm a romantic, just like you. I just express this in odd ways - namely, the internet...?
   Anyway. I like to plan our wedding because thinking about that special day is so exciting for me. I don't know when it'll happen, but the fact that it will happen means the world to me.
   Well, sometimes I just can't help smiling at those wedding pins. Thinking about us as the bride and groom, having the flowers and colors we like, our close friends and family nearby, and just an overall lovely atmosphere... it's exceedingly, perfectly wonderful.
   
   Of course, I'm more excited to just be married to you. The marriage life will suit us well, I have no doubt. We fit together so well. We'll learn to cook better together, I'll clean the bathroom {because my hair will be everywhere, no matter how hard I try to contain it}, you'll take out the trash {because you even do that at my house}, we'll watch our favorite shows together, and the cuddling...
   Man, the cuddling. I cannot wait for unlimited cuddling, let me tell you. It is inhumane to keep someone as comfortable as you away from someone as nocturnal as me. I find it incredibly hard to fall asleep at night. Not even sure where it came from. But when I'm with you? I get so comfortable and warm that sleep isn't a problem. 
   Well. Sometimes it still is a problem, because my brain goes, "He's HERE! You're EXCITED! STAY AWAKEEEEEE!" And my body goes, "¡OKAY!" But that's okay too.

   So yes, I avidly plan our wedding. As do you. Because neither of us can wait to be together. Can I also mention how adorable it is that you agreed to a Pinterest account because you wanted to see my original wedding board? And now look: we have our own private wedding board so I can pin freely without showing my ideas to the world. 
   For the record, I know that not all planning ends up that way when the actual wedding comes, but the best part is that no matter what, we'll be planning it together. We won't have to worry about any opinion other than ours. Also yes, I fully plan on letting you have a say in the decorations and everything.
   Because our relationship is give and take. We do things together, since our whole relationship is about togetherness. 
   Speaking of which, I get to see you tomorrow, so while I could go on and on {and on and on} about our bright, magnificent future and wedding plans... sleep calls. I'm sure you get the point: I am so in love with you and I love our past and our present, and I already love our future. Oh, and can you guess what else? I love you.

yours,
m.g.e.

what a romantic

   Something that I find really adorable about you is the fact that you love to make grand romantic gestures. It's never something I'd have expected to happen until our first Christmas together.
   I'm fairly certain your love language is gift giving, and boy. You just go above and beyond anything I could ask for. It's so sweet, seriously. And you know me so well that I'm constantly taken back by how well you listen to me.
   You're not afraid to go shopping for girly things like makeup or dresses, and you listen to the silly movies I talk about or the colors I'm currently obsessed with.
   And I know that this upcoming anniversary, you're going to stress yourself out {like before} trying to make every detail perfect. I won't ever believe it's less than perfect, because the most important part is that we're celebrating time together and how in love we are. But I have to admit, it's pretty stinkin' cute that you put all the effort into it. Next year, maybe I'll do the surprising. 
   And even though I badger you, I also really do like the surprises. {There, I said it.} It drives me crazy not knowing, because I can never keep secrets from you. I even showed you a glimpse of this blog, so who knows - you could be reading this right now. {If you are, you're grounded.} ;) No, but I trust you.

   I'm just itching for this week to be over so I can spend the day with you. Of course, this whole week, we have separate schedules. But nothing will stop me from having an amazing time with you on Sunday.
   I have my form of coping, though. I'll just be writing about my love for you, right here. And I'll see you in a couple days, because I expressed that I couldn't go a whole week without seeing you - so we'll watch New Girl and make waffles {my favorite <3} and cuddle because 2 years or 1 year and 51 weeks... every day is special to me.
   And I have business to do, mind you. You and I both know well that I'm a chameleon when it comes to hair {yikes, but what can you do?}. I'll just consider it a week of preparing myself to have a wonderful, you-filled day.

   I don't know, this post seems all over the place. But the title speaks the truth: you are a wonderful romantic, and I adore it. I love you so much. 6 days!

yours,
m.g.e.
   

one week

   I can't lie. I'm ridiculously excited. We celebrate our second year together in one week. I can't believe how quickly time has passed.
   Last year, you were incredible. You surprised me by taking me to the zoo to get inside a cage with kangaroos and throw peanuts in their general direction {because they wanted nothing to do with us}. 
   Then you drove me to North Carolina {my dream state} to visit a small aquarium, because you know I love marine animals. Especially jellyfish.
   And then we moved to sit on the beach and have a romantic picnic. I'll never forget how beautiful everything was. Half of the sky was gorgeous hues of blue, purple, and pink, and the other half had a storm brewing. But it was the most incredible storm I'd ever witnessed. 
   Before the clouds rolled in too far, you turned me around, held my hands, and made sure I knew what you were about to say wasn't a proposal. {We both wanted to, but the timing hasn't been right so far, and that's okay, because it's all God's time.}
   You are so good with your words. You just delivered this eloquent speech, just like you did when you asked me to be your girlfriend, and just like you did over two years ago when you told me you were in love with me. I was practically in the clouds, so unfortunately, I can't recite word for word what you said. But it was so romantic and beautiful.
   Then, you pulled out this gorgeous promise ring and right there, we promised to each other that we would be together forever - that we're soulmates. It's funny to think back on this moment, where a wedding party had been further down along the beach. A couple asked us if we had just gotten engaged. It sure felt like it. You have this way of making everything you do being the most charismatic, incredible experience of my life.

   On the way home, I shut my eyes for a bit because I was tired, but soon I realized you were slowing the car down. I figured you needed gas, but we were turning into a large parking lot. It was extremely dark outside and it was spitting rain, but you parked under one of the street lights and played our song.
   You came over, let me out of the car, and we danced to "Inevitable". 

   The song that we had our first dance to. That first dance had been at your brother's wedding. I'd been trying to get your attention all night, so you would dance with me, but you were busy being the best man, and my stomach did somersaults whenever you'd come nearby, so I'd get shy.
   At one point, I noticed you standing at the DJ table, picking out a song. "Inevitable" came on, and you made a straight line for me, with your hand held out. We walked to the dance floor {my heart was pounding and my friends and sisters were going crazy}, where we swayed and talked.
   I did not want that dance to end. But it did, and you had to leave, as your best friend gave you a cheeky smile and teased you to stay for another dance. He knew we were totally infatuated with each other. And boy, was I walking on sunshine for the rest of the night. I didn't even know what to do with myself. My sister had to beg my parents to stay that long at the wedding, because she knew we needed to have our little moment.
   And I'm so glad we did.
   Because fast forward a little over one year, as we were dancing in the parking lot, and I looked into your eyes without that shyness {good thing that's gone}, my heart just swelled.
   {Want to know irony? As I've been writing part of this, "Marry Me" came on Pandora. Perfect.}
   
   So look at where we are now. Two years into our relationship, and I am so happy. I know I don't show it all the time, because life gets in the way, and I'll have my complaints about it.
   But I have no complaints about you. Because I'll think of you and that perfect love that we have... and everything is right again. 
   I can't wait for a week from now, because it's just going to be you and me, and we'll forget all the problems of the world. I don't know when we'll get married, but whether that's a year, five years, or a decade from now - I'm happy just knowing that I get to spend eternity with you either way.
   One week. Seven days. What we're doing is a mystery to me as of yet, because you like to keep surprises. And I know it'll be perfect, no matter what we do, or where we go, because I'll be with you.
   And gosh, am I so overjoyed that I'm with you. I love you so much, sweetheart. Happy 1 year and 51 weeks.

yours,
m.g.e