motivation

   So, you and I have decided to work out together. You're good at working out and I'm good at being lazy, so we definitely make a good pair.
   We decided to start this health endeavor tonight, and can I just say... you're excellent at pushing me to be better.
   Obviously this stands for the fact that I hadn't gone on a real run in too long, and you ran right beside me, just encouraging me in the sweetest way possible to keep pushing my body to go further. Then, when you knew I needed a break, you just told me to move on to the next thing. You made sure I was hydrated before and after, you helped me figure out all those weird arm workout machines that make you ball up into a fetal position and look crazy, and you just made me want to work harder.
   And it made me think about how you're just overall a good motivator in my life. Not just in working out. 
   When I have stress outs about school, you're right there to help me and encourage me. When I feel self-conscious, you consistently tell me that you think I'm perfect just the way I am. When I just want to quit {mainly when it comes to school}, just seeing you and how you're such a hard worker and how you are my goal in life... it makes me keep going.
   And I hope I tell you enough how much I appreciate that. You're really working hard towards your own career, so you can earn money, move out, start our family... and geez. It's so admirable.
   I'm so proud of you and all your accomplishments. You make me want to work {and work well} towards what I want and need. You are my motivation. So thank you, sweet darling.
   I love you. 

yours,
m.g.e.

what I lack.

   Confidence. It's something I've always struggled with, because the way I see it, there's always areas in life that I need to improve.
   You of all people, dearest soulmate, know that I lack confidence in my scholastic endeavors in particular. I could get straight As every semester, and I still would continue to have little panic attacks before each week, as I stress myself out regarding grades.
   Now, would earning a B {or even a C} in a class kill me? Nope. Would it ruin my chance at finding a career? Probably not. But does this logic enter my brain more than approximately two times every semester? Absolutely not.
   
   Then there's you. I always find you somewhat mysterious, because you're the most humble person that I know, but you're also completely level-headed and have just the right amount of confidence in yourself. I really admire that trait of yours.
   And you have confidence in me. How you bear listening to my stress-outs every 8 weeks, I'll never know. But without fail, you continue to tell me that everything will be okay every 8 weeks. What gets me? You actually mean it. You believe in me more than I thought that anyone ever could. Maybe it's to make up for the fact that I am my worst critic.
   Nevertheless, you are such a positive light in my life. I know I might say that a lot, but I wouldn't say it so often if it weren't so true. 

   This is a short post, but I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you. Your never-failing positivity for me is what keeps me going, even in things that I resent {aka, school}. You should know that I'm doing all of it for you and for Christ. Christ graciously put you in my life, so I'm not going to take that for granted.
   You are incredible. Thank you for actually making me feel capable. Never thought that would be possible, but then again, I never knew how in love I could be until I met you.
   I {confidently} love you.

yours,
m.g.e.

all my loving

   Dearest soulmate, I've made a resolution tonight. I let you know about it, but I'm writing it here so we both can remember it and be happy.

   We say "I love you" a lot. It's healthy, and it's true. I really do love you beyond words. 

   But I realized something: I don't tell you it enough.

   We say it before our goodbye's, we say it before our goodnight's, and the occasional random declaration. But it's obviously not just then that I love you. Hopefully you know that already, but let me tell you - there are some moments where I'm blown away by how strong my feelings are for you. I didn't know it was possible to love someone (aside from Christ) this much before you. So I should list some of these moments, shouldn't I? Of course.

   

   I love you when we're in the car or walking and you just offer your hand to hold. As I've previously stated, I treasure that, and not only do you know it, you also just love to hold hands as much as I do.

   I love you when you're watching something on t.v., and you're focused, and you make this adorable concentration face.

   I love you, believe it or not, when you've been working on something and you're a little sweaty. You're a hard worker, and you STILL manage to smell good. How!? {Side note: I promise you've never smelled bad in the time I've known you, and you pull off a little sweat like the most manly gentleman I've ever met.}

   I love you when I'm stressing out about school, and you sit down and try to help me figure things out. I hate coming across as helpless, but you don't make it seem like a bad thing. You put me right back in my comfort zone.

   I love you when you drop everything to run around with my niece and play games with her. She loves it so much, and it is so attractive when a man is good with kids.

   I love you when you take out the trash at my house. No one ever asks you to do it, nor are you looking for anyone to praise you for it - you just like to be a helpful person.

   I love you when you treat people with respect, even when they don't deserve it. I call you out for it and occasionally expect you to be just as irked as I am, but you're such a kind-hearted person, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

   I love you when you talk baseball with my dad. Yes, I get tired of watching baseball and sometimes even talking about it {and it's not something I avidly keep up with}. It's a fact you're well aware of, because my dad is just the opposite: he loves baseball. You know that, so you ask him and you really do listen to what's going on with his team.

   I love you when you try to see the good in people before judging them. This goes hand in hand with treating people with respect, because you don't let prejudice get ahead of you. You really are such a good-natured gent.

   I love you when you sing, then realize I'm listening, so you switch to your falsetto-joking-singing-voice. I do wish you'd sing normal more often, but I think the falsetto-joking-singing-voice is adorable. 

   I love you when you play with my dogs. They are attention hounds {literally!¡} and you take time to pet them and let them in and out...and in and out... of the door. They adore you because they know you'll pet them and love on them, despite their bad breath.

   I love you when you put on your ties. I know this is more random than the rest, but gosh. You stick your neck out slightly, look into the mirror, and tie that tie like a gent, giving a {I'm gonna say it} sexy {there I said it} face while you do. You're so classy and handsome, I can't even handle it.

   I love you when I'm mad. This is one that we've had to debate before, because sometimes I play silent treatment {usually when I'm wrong, just sayin'.} or I say it in an exasperated tone, because {here's the important part}, anger blinds my romantic AND rational sides. I say "blinds" because it doesn't mean my normal, rational self is gone, and it certainly doesn't mean I've stopped loving you. It means that I'm being stupid, and inside, my heart's going, "YES, SHE LOVES YOU. SAY YOU LOVE HIM, YOU IDIOT." True story. I will never stop loving you, even when times get tough, because I literally cannot imagine life without you - at least, a life where I can ever be happy again. So yes. I love you when I'm mad, and you're mad, and you still manage to say you love me. I'm making a resolution to say I love you the most when I'm mad, in fact. Because guess who's the ONLY person I want to talk to when I'm upset. {Hint, it's you.}

   And finally {but not lastly, because I have approximately an infinite number of other reasons why I love you, but it's almost 7 am and I'm pulling an all-nighter}...

   I love you because you are Brandon Daniel Morris and you are my soulmate. 

   I am SO blessed to even know you, and more so to be a part of your life. 

   For around the 25th time, but absolutely not the last... I love, love, love you, sweetheart.

yours,
m.g.e.

most ardently.

   "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more..." - Words from one of my favorite Jane Austen books/movie adaptations, Emma.

   I'm reminded of this quote because I've been thinking about you and your romantic qualities. {And of course Jane Austen came to mind.} 

   You... are one remarkable man. Before we even started dating, you were making romantic gestures that, of course, I brushed off as you being nice. {I mean, a dashing, handsome, perfect guy like you falling for me? Unlikely.} When I had my wisdom teeth removed, you brought a milkshake and flowers. {I was at the movie theater, but we'll pretend that didn't happen.} When you invited me to your best friend's house, you drove me there and all the way back, which is a long drive. And your overall presence made my heart flutter, so naturally you've always been perfection in my eyes.

   But it gets even better.

   You open the car door for me every time. You hold my hand, which, as you know, was always something I longed for when I was younger. You voluntarily give feet massages, which are amazing. You give me the longest hugs {hallelujah!}. You watch romantic, cheesy movies with me and actually like them. {Seriously. Pride & Prejudice is one of your favorite movies now? MARRY ME.} You do those adorable kisses on my hand when we hold hands. You always know the right words to say when I need them, whether it be romantic or reassuring or even just pure wisdom.

   And these are just things off of the top of my head. I could write a book on how romantic and sweet you are. {Does a blog work?}

   I am in awe of you, quite honestly. I didn't know it was possible to find a gentleman like you, but my lanta, how glad I am that I did. You consistently amaze me and make my heart happy. I get to see your handsome face in a little over 13 hours {not that I'm counting or anything...} and if only you could see how elated I become.

   Because when someone enters into your life that makes life 100% better to live... your heart won't let you forget it. Even if you went crazy and tried to forget. And I am completely positive that I won't ever be forgetting the absolute joy that you bring.

   To start and end with a Jane Austen quote...

  "You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." - P&P, movie version. Of course.

And I do, indeed, love you with all of my heart.

yours,

m.g.e.

hugs.

   I never was one for hugs when I was younger. It always made me uncomfortable and smothered because I think I was trying to be a tomboy at the time. {Note: trying.}

   Naturally, when I started crushing on boys, I became more open to the idea of hugs, but I was homeschooled, so you know how it goes. Homeschool side hugs. Awkward.

   I could survive without hugs back then, because I hadn't hugged you yet.

   Our first hug? You were leaving my house and thought I was walking you to the car. I thought you were in a rush and was so enamored I didn't even think of that option {whoops}. So we hugged in the doorway. And it was quick.

   But oh my lanta. That quick hug left me wanting so much more. It felt right and just so... comfortable. 

   As time went on, our hugs got longer, and I learned to walk you to your car. You were my first hug-from-behind - you know, those hugs that every girl loves. It's a thing. Just like the precious things that are kisses on the forehead. Trust me.

   I just love the way you wrap your arms around me, because I feel so warm {you're like my personal heater} and safe and content.

   It's like when it's freezing cold outside and the wind is blowing in your face, but then you get into your car and blast the heat, or the sun reveals itself and hits your back for a moment, and there's this time of comfortable warmth. That's what your hugs are. Everything else might be chaotic and stressing me out {not-so-subtle hint towards school - couldn't help myself}, but I get a hug from you, and your sunshine-y self warms me to the core. It doesn't mean the crazy outside things are going to get better immediately, but it means I have a little more peace in my heart.

   So yes. I cherish your hugs. And I cherish you.

   I love you.

yours,
m.g.e.

loving you

   There are some things that we learn that eventually become natural to us - habitual, even. Once we learn to walk, we just keep on doing it. Unless certain physical circumstances occur, walking becomes something we do every day without even having to remind ourselves, "Okay: left, then right, then left... I think."  

   Then there are other things that are just habits we pick up when we're older that just stick with us. 

   For example, my dad locks the door to the garage every night. It's just become natural to him so he doesn't really think about it, even when, say, I go out for the evening... and come back to a locked door. Even though I've been his daughter for twenty {and a half!} years, he still habitually locks the garage door, without thinking of the people it might be trapping in the dark, scary garage in the middle of the night.

   Hopefully, he's not locking the garage door because he wants me to suffer: he's just doing it because it's his routine.

   And sure, I have my own routines throughout the day. One of those includes hitting the snooze button on my alarm.

   All jokes aside.

   Some people drink coffee every morning. Some write letters {old fashioned is never bad} to their best friends every week, just because. Others find a passion in rescuing pets. And there's even the occasional few who know they're destined to become President of the United States - and they make it happen.

   Sometimes, things really do just happen naturally. Whether it be the little things, or the life aspirations coming to fruition. We're all made for something, right?

   

   And all of this goes to say... let's talk about love. There are those who find other types of love, but perhaps never romantic love. And obviously, there are the ones who do, and find this love in all kinds of variations. It doesn't always come quickly or easily. But I've been magnificently blessed. 

   You see, loving you, for me, is so natural. When we became a couple, it was like we had been together for years. Everything just fell perfectly into place. 

   Our hands fit together like puzzle pieces. 

   We knew each other inside and out. 

   Talking was never uncomfortable and the pauses in conversation were okay, because we knew we were just relishing the presence of each other. 

   I knew that I could tell you anything, and you knew the same. 

   We knew that our relationship was going to last, because not only would we work hard for it, but we were head over heels, falling in this pure, deep love. 

   For some people, this can take years. For us {and others, I'm sure}, it took seconds. If that. 

   Additionally, you're going to find a career that suits you and your dreams perfectly, and I'm going to take my passion and apply it somewhere. Some of that can be fuzzy, because we have no idea what the future may hold. But I'm okay with that.

   I have you, and that's one of the few things I'm totally, completely confident in. It's like a breath of fresh air.

   I love you beyond words. Thank you for being my natural soulmate.

yours,
m.g.e.

wise guys

   Recently, you and I, dear soulmate, have been finding out that sometimes, we actually do know what's best for us. See, you're such a nice gentleman. And I have a stubborn opinion... but I'm too much of a chicken to say half the things I think.
   But luckily, together, we know that we're doing things the right way. Just because others believe they know what's right, doesn't mean that they necessarily are right, or at least that we're wrong in the meantime.
   This is clearly the cryptic version of the obstacle we're facing together, but the most important thing is that we are in this together. And I really appreciate that. Not every couple is equally invested in their future. Sometimes it's one sided, because some people refuse to consider their future. Too restricting, I guess?
   For us, though... we understand each other. I can go on and on about our future wedding and you're right in the conversation, just as excited as I am. I think some are skeptical when I tell them that you really are the most perfect man that lived.
   And to your credit, you even started talking about marriage before me. And I've had a wedding board on Pinterest for a WHILE. They may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. And yes, there's some John Lennon for you. {Potentially the wrong words, but hey, we're both more McCartney fans than Lennon, so cut me some slack.}
   
   I'm just incredibly grateful that I'm with YOU and how you care about our future together so much. I always have to catch myself talking about our wedding, because I've been given the impression by others that I'm getting ahead of myself. That I'm pressuring you.
   If only they knew.
   I've put 100% of my trust into you, and I know I can tell you anything. Not everyone is that blessed. You should be on posters. "World's Most Gentlemanly Man."
   Now that I've let it slip that I'm in desperate need of sleep {ahaha}... it's time to end the post for the night.
   But, SIDE NOTE: I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm committing to a post dedicated to you every day/night. You'll finally get to see this special blog on our second year anniversary, which happens to be 1 month + 10 days away. Incredibly exciting. As you're aware of, I have a written journal dedicated to you as well, but I've decided to save that for something else. {What can I say? I like writing love letters. A blog seemed fun.}

   All of this being said... I love you so much. Goodnight, my sweet, gentlemanly soulmate.

yours,
m.g.e.

feeling safe.

   Tonight, I was on a romantic movie kick. Before YOU, stuff like this never happened. I really wasn't into romantic movies whatsoever. Sure, I was in love with Pride & Prejudice, but I always avoided the cheesy, cliché ones. But here I am, watching a Nicholas Sparks movie (GIANT step here) and of course, day dreaming about our own love story.
   The movie happened to be Safe Haven, which is about as "romantic drama" as it gets. If you haven't guessed, the whole premise is that a pretty, mysterious lady has past problems and finds safety in a dashing father of two. {Spoiler alert, I know. Because it wasn't totally obvious..!} And... okay, it was cute.

   But then irony reared its freaky, ugly head. And a spider scurried across my room. I tried to kill it. And it disappeared. I have to wake up in 4 hours, and I am terrified of spiders. Good luck to me.
   THE POINT, however, is that whenever I get scared or worried, you're always the first one I think of and the one I go to. {Naturally, I called you, but you were asleep. ...I'll forgive you eventually. [Kidding. It's late and unlike me, you're not nocturnal.]}
   But in all seriousness, you're the only person I feel comfortable with. I can be completely vulnerable with you, sharing my most insecure feelings that I wouldn't want to tell anyone. You tell me I'm beautiful when I'm feeling the exact opposite. You consider it a victory when I don't wear makeup around you - and believe me, having blonde eyelashes and eyebrows, going without just a little something on my face is a big deal. You brush away any bad feelings I have about myself, and you make me feel like royalty. I mean, I am more fortunate than the richest person in the world because I have you.
   I don't deserve you. And for whatever reason, you still love me, and I consider that the biggest blessing.
   
   So when we're married, and I let out a shriek because a HUMONGOUS SPIDER JUST CRAWLED OUT OF HIDING... know that you're the one I know will protect me. And it's not just spiders. My insecurity, my fears, my past trust issues... you take away it all.
   I get what Mr. Sparks was writing about completely. Because you are my safe haven.

I love you so much.

Now come kill this spider please&thanks.

yours,

m.g.e.

   

nearness

   I don't think it's any kind of surprise to anyone when I say I thrive off the nearness of those I love. Tonight, I read an excerpt of my 8 year old self's diary to you. Evidently, not only was I severely ADD, but I really was so sensitive.
   I had written multiple accounts of being ignored or receiving attitude from my sisters. And it wasn't the kind where I walked into a room and immediately became the center of attention or constantly needed eyes on me. I just had this...thing... where I needed affirmation of love from the ones I loved, more often than most people probably do. {Maybe it was just the middle child syndrome or my love language.} 

   As I've gotten older, among my family and friends, I've become perfectly okay being the listener or the "quiet one". It comes with being an introvert. True story.
   But I can't deny the fact that this need for attention still thrives today - in a different way. Because there's you. It's like I become this different person. I constantly crave attention and need your eyes on me and oh, you went into another room? Hold on, I'll follow you.
   Sometimes I even get a little sassy because I just want life and plans to pause and just let us be together. Right, so that sounds like overly attached girlfriend. I promise that I do, in fact, encourage you having friends and a life. {In my defense, we spent a total of 3 weeks away from each other this summer. Just putting that out there.}
   And I guess I'm a little terrified of school starting for me, even though it's my senior year and I'm so close to the end, because that just means even more hectic-ness.
   I'm just... infatuated with you. Some things in life haven't been going exactly smooth, and now I really associate you with the one peaceful, non-difficult part of my life. Along with God, you're the one constant in my life that I can count on.
   If I come across as crazy, I merely hope what you take away from this is that you're a really good part of my life. I honestly don't know where I'd be without you. Even if, heaven forbid, we hadn't ended up dating or maybe took longer to confess our feelings, I'm still confident that you would be the biggest positive influence on me. Even on my worst days, when everything seems to be going wrong, I still persevere because of you. Because I know that our future holds so many incredible things.
   
   So cheers to you. And seriously, I realize that I become emotional and unreasonable and possessive way too easily - and I apologize. I'm working on my attitude {and if I get upset and don't tell you why, it's because I'm fully aware that I'm upset for a stupid reason, so I'm trying to essentially grow a pair and cool off}.
   None of this is to pressure you, but really: you are the reason for my smile and you have been really amazing at helping me become a better person. And due to these reasons, and many more, I just love the nearness of you.

And I love you.

yours,

m.g.e.

dreamin'.

   I mentioned this approximately 24 hours ago, but I just have to reiterate how excited I am to marry you, sweet soulmate.
   And I just love to daydream about you. {Spoiler alert: I do it a lot.} Whether I'm recalling those magical moments when we first fell in l - o - v - e to how spectacular our lives will be when we're united in sweet, rockin' holy matrimony. Ihavenoshame.
   Just every part of you is pure good. Yes, we've had our share of arguments. {If we hadn't, you'd have to have some kind of inhuman patience. You know how much of a temper I can get.} And I believe it's healthy to hash out problems. Because no relationship is perfect and that's okay. Though ours is pretty dang close. {Yep, I said it.}
   But what really makes me happy about us? We're both too smart to have taken "breaks", even during the "worse" arguments. And this isn't to pat myself on the back. I've said and done simply stupid things.
   The thing that makes us smart is that we know we can't make it without each other.
   It's human nature to stay near to what keeps you safe and happy, and, well, you make me feel more safe and happy than I could ever conceive.
   And, let's be real. If we took a break or whatever, I'd be an absolute wreck. Not only would I have no idea what to do with myself, but also the only person I'd want to talk to would be you. So, needless to say... I know we're going to keep our clean record.

   So yes. Daydreaming won't stop anytime soon. You're fantastic and I won't let you forget it.

Je t'aime, mon cher. {BOOM, there's that French. And no I didn't just call you actual Cher.}

yours,

m.g.e.

my eyes on your eyes, like Peter Pan up in the sky.

   The title of this post is incredibly relevant, believe it or not. I remember the night you invited me to hang out with you, your best friend, and a couple other people.
   If I remember correctly, it was the first time we officially hung out. I had been SO nervous about hanging out with you, because as is evident... I am an awkward person and you made me violently weak at the knees {in a good way}.
   But you convinced me and I'm glad you did. My sister and best friend fixed my hair, making sure I looked good for you, while "Tongue Tied" played on Pandora. It was perfection.
   And I'll admit, I was quiet most of the night, because I wanted to make a good impression in front of your best friend and, more importantly, you. You thought I didn't enjoy myself whatsoever, but I promise you I did.

   And look where we are now! YOU are my best friend, and I cannot get enough of you or your house. (; But seriously.
   We're roughly one month away from having dated for TWO YEARS. That's so crazy how time has flown. People have been asking us when we'd get married since, hmm, the moment we revealed we were dating... but I don't blame them.
   You are such a good part of my life. We just naturally came together and it feels like we've been together for my entire life. And don't get me wrong, I would wait a thousand years to marry you, and we're both aware that there's no pressing rush for that, but geez.
   I'm so excited for when that does happen. I can't wait to wake up and see your handsome face every day. You make me so happy and I know that we have so many more years of happiness to live together.
   I keep on daydreaming of our wedding, as well, and let me tell you - before you, I couldn't envision my wedding. I mean, Pinterest came along, and it was like, oh, that's something I like and maybe my wedding will look like that. But then you graciously entered my life and now I can SEE what things will absolutely look like, and that you'll be at the end of the aisle waiting for me, and ahhhh. Can't wait.
   I'll stop my spiel there. Point is: finding my soulmate has made so many dreams come true and I just love it.
   And I love you.

yours,
m.g.e.